Do You Follow Directions?

This is Pia! Here’s a little vignette from my past in case you might be going through a similar thing now. (Names have been changed to protect the innocent, and I do mean ‘innocent’ because most of us are doing the best we can.)

Typical scenario years back–I would need something done in the house that required more strength than just me, so I’d turn to my partner for help. He’d be busy playing his video games and say, “Just a minute, in a minute.” An hour later, “come on, I really need your help now!” “In a minute!” A couple of hours later he’s either immersed in work or bummed out because he lost the game. “I can’t now, I’m working!” or “I’m tired, leave me alone!”

Invariably, I would end up frustrated and angry, or at other times feeling so alone and hopeless that it’s me doing everything to keep our life together. You know what I mean?

So … when I looked back on these situations, I remember hearing my partner tell me what worked and didn’t work for him. Like when he was playing the video game, he suggested I approach between segments when it’s easy to pause the game. Or when he had lost and was feeling morose, a cuddle and a kiss would make him feel better instead of my upset. Or when he was working, some appreciation of his work contribution would elicit the desire to help out more easily. I didn’t listen at the time; I just wanted it done right away.

What I’ve found to be an important key to having my partner happily respond to my requests has been this: LISTEN. Our partners will often give us valuable clues, and even instructions, as to what works (and what doesn’t work) for them.

All we need to do is
open our hearts and ears, and listen.

Nobody likes to be approached with a demand thrown at them. We get defensive, closed and resentful. We might end up doing what is being demanded, but it will never be to the best of our ability.

When we approach one another with respect, appreciation and understanding (which comes about from heart-centered listening), we tend to feel inspired to bring the best of ourselves forward. Knowing that our partner has listened to us can often help elicit a warm response.

Take a breath and smile, shift your nervous system into Love Mode, and listen for your directions. This is another stepping stone to experiencing the joy and ecstasy of living a wildly fulfilling relationship and healing the great divide in our intimate lives.